Hack attack
I’ve been a writer long enough to know that sometimes you hear a line that just gets stuck in your head and you think … “Dang, I need to find a way to use THAT!” or “That writer really NAILED IT. She said it better than I ever could!.”
That’s understandable. That’s expected. And, based on how the human brain works, pretty much unavoidable.
Just don’t let it be one of these … Overused. Overblown. Hacky.
Nobody Beats _____. Nobody
This was a little fun and fresh I don’t know, like 40 years ago with the Seinfeld-immortalized campaign Nobody Beat The Wiz. Now we hear it to sell everything, and I mean ev – er -y – thing. If all you can think to say is “nobody beats you” then I have to imagine there’s absolutely nothing that makes your business or your brand unique.
The Smarter Way to _______.
“The smarter way to cook.” “The smarter way to hire.” I’ve heard this same tagline used for 2 different companies in the same ad break. I like when things are smart. I like it better when you tell me why.
Because _________ Matters.
Look, let’s just stipulate that I KNOW you think whatever you’re talking aboutmatters, or you probably wouldn’t be spending money to tell me about it. Okay?
The good people at Con Edison even took Matters into their own hands and took it to its ultimate, hyperbolic extreme:
The Netflix of _________.
Here’s what I know. Netflix spends countless millions to perfect its business model. Here’s what else I know: You DIDN’T. And you’re all too happy to try to purloin their brand equities rather than create your own.
If Apple made a __________.
If Apple made a _______ is The Netflix of Lazy Headlines. Also, you know what. I bet Apple really doesn't have any plans to make a toaster or a toothbrush anytime soon.
For all your ______ needs.
How on earth do you know what I need, let alone ALL of what I need.
The ___________ of the future.
It seemed like Dippin Dots was the ice cream of the future for at least 25 years. How will we know when we’ve reached the future? When you stop using that tagline? Also if your bringing me the future, it really calls into question many of the theories of modern physics.
We _______, so you don’t have to.
Yeah, I get it. That is the whole idea behind paying for a service. So. I. Don’t. Have. To. Do It. That’s LITERALLY the definition of commerce.
For people like you.
There is nobody else like me. You understanding that should be the bare minimum of your interest in persuading me.